🌈 I Became a Leader Before I Knew I Deserved to Be One
When I was 27, I was managing a team of six and sitting at the client table with VPs twice my age.
I had the strategy. The results. The respect.
But secretly? I thought it was all a fluke.
I had the résumé of a leader.
But I hadn’t yet become one.
The Story
In the gay community, we learn to perform early.
We become the overachievers, the approval-getters.
Smart. Polished. Perceptive. Relentlessly put-together.
We’re told we can be the witty one. The creative one. The stylish one.
But rarely the leader.
So I led like I was on defense.
Always performing. Always producing. Always proving.
I had a chip on my shoulder and a story in my head:
“Don’t give them any reason to doubt you. They’re already looking for one.”
The Pivot
One day, I was told in a review:
“Your results are incredible. But your team’s afraid to ask for help.”
It broke me.
Because I thought I was doing everything right.
But I was so focused on being perfect, I had forgotten how to be human.
I realized I wasn’t leading from pride.
I was leading from fear.
What Changed
That was my first real leadership lesson:
Self-acceptance doesn’t come after success. It creates it.
I started letting people in.
Not all at once, and not always gracefully.
But I showed more of who I was. Gay. Flawed. In progress.
Still worthy.
And the wild thing?
My teams got stronger.
The culture got braver.
I became the kind of leader people could actually learn from.
Leadership Lessons from the In-Between
You don’t earn your way into belonging. You own your way into it.
The mask that protects you also isolates you.
People don’t trust perfection. They trust consistency, humility, and heart.
Pride isn’t a performance. It’s a posture.
What I Wish I’d Spotted Earlier
That my insecurity wasn’t invisible.
It leaked out in urgency, in edge, in silence when someone needed me present.
I thought I was hiding it.
Turns out I was broadcasting it.
How I Wish I’d Handled It
I wish I had paused long enough to hear people.
To coach instead of correct.
To connect instead of control.
I was so busy running toward credibility, I forgot to build trust along the way.
A Lighter Moment
Someone once told me,
“You’re kind of like the Miranda Priestly of performance marketing — without the budget, but with better shoes.”
It made me laugh — and made me pause.
Because under all that polish was a scared kid trying not to be found out.
Today? I still wear the shoes.
But I lead from the inside out.
Closing Reflection
This Pride Month, I’m not celebrating the labels.
I’m celebrating the liberation.
Not being better in spite of who I am.
But showing up because of who I am.
To every queer leader who’s ever wondered if they belong —
You do.
Not when you’re perfect. Not when you’re polished.
But the moment you believe you’re enough.
This article is part of The Leadership Edit, a weekly series on emotional intelligence, transformational leadership, and growth in motion.
